Updates and Stuff

Mission IUD is complete. My god, it did actually hurt. Not the actual insertion part (barely felt that), but beforehand when they had to stretch out my uterus. Holy fuck. My mom was like, "that gives you a sense of what childbirth is like."

Yeah, no thanks. I am now proudly child-free until I'm 31. HOORAY!!

Now I'm just waiting for this horrible cramping to subside. They were actually surprised at how well I took the whole process. It's because it felt exactly like a Crohn's flare at first: like someone had punched me in the stomach so hard that I also felt the pain in my back. Now it just feels like bad PMS.

The gyno also told me the results of my MRI: "Bone marrow edema in the lunate and distal ulna, which might be post-traumatic."

Since she's not a specialist, she couldn't tell me what it means. She thinks though that it means I do not need surgery, and just need to rest it quite a bit. Hopefully she's right. I'll need to follow up in Grand Forks next week.

What I can say is this: it sounds like if it was post-traumatic, and the distal ulna is involved, that means that this is from my original injury. The fall at field camp. It's their fault that I did not receive proper care for this injury. They made me wait a full week to see a doctor, so that I could go on a free day and not miss any fieldwork. They had some wrapping that they wrapped around my wrist incorrectly and insufficiently, in the meantime.

Seriously, fuck that shit. I hate them all. Pretentious jerks. You know what? I'm glad that I took the van out and drove it when I wasn't supposed to. Those assholes.

In other news, I started my novel last night. I couldn't sleep because it was "one of those times again." I got inspired to write about how I felt during that time. Check it out:

     "For some reason, nighttime made everything worse. During the day, she found that she could easily distract herself one way or another. Her mind was constantly working; she was constantly thinking, solving problems. She stayed busy with her schoolwork and job applications. She listened to music, she read her favorite books, and she went to the gym.

      But that was during the daytime. Nighttime was a completely different story. Suddenly, images she had buried deep within herself rose up and took shape. Her blanket maliciously knotted itself around her head, suffocating her. She began to panic as the claustrophobia sank in. She couldn’t breathe. Her own mind had once again taken her prisoner. She blamed herself for her misfortunes, but then her hatred quickly turned outward. She wanted him to suffer as much as she had. She hated him, but at the same time, she loved him. After awhile, she could not distract herself any longer. All that was left was the pain. Just… pain. That’s all there was.

         She shuddered under her blanket, afraid. She wondered how long she would have to wait for sleep to come this time."


It's a start anyway. I've decided that every time I feel that way, I will write more. I will beat it all. This novel will be my masterpiece.