Recently, I've started to wonder what it would be like to be part of a different family. It would be nice if my family actually cared about each other, cared about what each other want to do, and actually liked hanging out with each other.
One thing I notice, whenever I go to Cameron's house, is that her family has all of those things. They hang out in the living room and kitchen together. There's always this sense that they actually enjoy talking to each other and being in each other's company.
I really wish I had that. I had high hopes for visiting my mom this time around, but in the end she didn't fail to disappoint.
I don't ask for much in life. I really don't. The one thing I ask for is Starbucks.
To be fair, my mom was doing nice things for me like offering to take me shopping, and making me gluten free food (even her birthday cake), and buying me good quality sunscreen online. I never asked her to do any of that, but she wanted to do it anyway. So she does nice things for me that I don't ask for, mostly because they have to do with my various health problems.
It's so strange that she won't pay for me to get a smartphone or a car, but she'll spend money to buy me gourmet sunscreen.
But the only thing I actually asked her for was to go to Starbucks. We had gone to drop off my computer for maintenance at the Best Buy by the mall. I told her that I really needed coffee, but that I hadn't had time to get one before my appointment at Best Buy. She said we could go after dropping off my computer. But then she just went straight to the mall, even though I told her I was fairly certain that there was no Starbucks in the mall. She said she thought there was, but we got there and of course there wasn't. She told me that I "should have researched Starbucks locations in advance." When I asked her how I was supposed to do that, without a laptop and without a smartphone, she threw it back in my face and informed me that BECAUSE I don't have a smartphone, I'm SUPPOSED to look things up in advance. Then she didn't even want to go and find a Starbucks, and was only concerned with going to Macy's to return something, saying we would just go home and I could go there afterward by myself. So she never actually bought me the clothes I needed, because she didn't want to find a Starbucks with me by the mall so that we could stay and shop.
This made me very upset. It's always been this way. Whenever we went on a family vacation, we never did anything I wanted to do; we only did what my parents wanted to do. And seriously, I don't ask for much. The one thing I did ask for-- Starbucks-- was of course denied.
To add insult to injury, if my mom had been with her boyfriend, and her boyfriend asked to go get Dunks, she would have of course been obliging. But because it was me, she didn't care about doing what I wanted and had asked for. What I wouldn't give to be part of a family that would just do the one thing I wanted with me. To have the sense that what's more important than the things done is the time spent with the people in your family. That it's more important to do nice things for people in your family than for your significant others. That the family actually wants to talk to each other and spend time together.
But it's just wishful thinking. I'm never going to have that.
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