First, I want to lose that last 15 lbs. Now that I've settled into my gluten free diet, and the urge to eat ice cream and/or gluten free candy every second is less, I can see this through. Finish what I started last summer, almost 1 year ago. Currently I weigh 23 lbs less than I did 1 year ago. I'll do my best to lose the last 15.
Second, I want to ease back into my upper body strength training routine and get strong again. I'm so weak right now, it sucks. But it's been 3 months since I've recovered from the injury, and it's time I got cracking. Especially because I'm not viola-ing over the summer really, which will make things easier.
Third, I want to get a job and hopefully make some more friends here. I filled out a lot of applications already, and lots of places are promising. I'll just have to wait and see.
If I end up getting a job downtown, I'll be getting plenty of exercise. I walked at least 7 miles today total.
Fourth, I want to work more on my novel and write more sonnets. I wrote a sonnet for Tim the other day. I'm really rusty at writing poetry, but I think it turned out fairly decent:
Unrequited love is hell from above.
Full-scale war between the head and the heart:
What starts out sweet, warm-- hopelessly in love--
Becomes worthless, helpless; so torn apart.
I was scarred from pain, but you brought me hope
When you filled the empty room of my soul.
I almost fell down, but you handed me a rope.
You do care for me, patching up the hole.
You just don’t want me the way I want you;
No time for me before you leave this place.
I’m so replaceable; I know it’s true.
I really hope you remember my face.
Loving someone who does not love you back:
What a completely miserable act.
Sighhh I am going to miss that man. I wrote this sonnet because I got really depressed the other day. I had thought he was leaving on Saturday, but it turned out he was leaving on Sunday. He didn't want to make time to squeeze me in before he left. I'm sure he could have, but he didn't.
I was talking about it with Cameron. She asked me how close we were. I guess we were not actually that close. We didn't hang out a lot, and we didn't really talk about personal stuff. We got closer at the end on both accounts, but I guess we weren't really that close. Whenever I invited him out, he said no. I wanted to be close, but he didn't. That's what got me so depressed.
He did come through for me when I really needed him though. That shows that he does care about me. Maybe not in the way that I want, but at least he does in some way.
Plus, it's time to take note. On several occasions, he would say, "Veronica, as your friend..." Yes, as my FRIEND. That's the kind of thing to pay attention to. It's most likely the truth.
Anyway, I have to look on the bright side. After Ray, I thought I would never like or trust another guy ever again. And then I went and fell in love. I fell in love with someone completely different, completely unexpectedly. Tim showed me that not all guys are bad. He cared enough about me to have my back when I really needed it. He didn't try to take advantage of me. He's not my type physically-- didn't think I'd be attracted to someone with snakebites. However, on him they are fucking sexy as shit.
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