The Invention

Ever since I tabled work on my novel, I've learned a lot more about how people work. While I've learned a few things, I still don't know how to extract the truth from people.

Most of the time, people lie. If you ask someone a direct question, the answer will be a lie; they don't want to hurt your feelings with the truth. Even if you don't ask a direct question, people will volunteer lies if they feel like they should tell you what you want to hear. In these cases, it's more important to listen to what people are NOT saying. That's how you know what they're feeling.

But other times, people will tell the truth. You're supposed to listen to what they say to you, because they're telling you the truth. In these cases, you're supposed to follow what they say over what they don't say. How the fuck are you actually supposed to tell that it's the truth though?

Even if you know the truth, that doesn't change your feelings. I know that Tim doesn't like me, but that doesn't stop me from liking him. Yet I was still surprised and upset when he didn't respond to my text message, even though I know that he doesn't like me.

What needs to be invented, then, is some sort of machine to change your feelings for you. When you know that the guy you like doesn't like you back, you should use it to suck out the remnants of your love so that you can move on with your life. That way, you won't be obsessing over every little shred of attention that he gives you. Not like I did that.

Anyway, I can't wait to get the fuck out of North Dakota. The people here annoy me.

I did manage to pull through and finish all my projects, in spite of what is probably a lupus flare. I'm really proud of myself for that. I hope I did alright on everything, but I guess it's ok if I didn't. I'm not a superhero, and I don't have superpowers. I can't expect myself to get a 4.0 when my body isn't working right.

I think I've lost a lot of weight too from the flare. I haven't been eating very much, because I haven't really been hungry. I do not know if I actually lost weight though, since I haven't had energy to go to the gym where the scale is.

I just have to stick it out another week for my one final, and then I get to go home to Boston. I get to see my Mom and Cameron and get Kimballs ice cream. Can't fucking wait.