Anger

I honestly do not remember the last time I was this angry at another person. It came close with Ray right after he "took it back" for the second time. However, in that situation I was far more hurt than I was angry. This time, I'm just completely angry. I'm listening to Eminem's "Kill You" and "Stan" pretty much on repeat. If I use those songs as an indicator it would mean that the last time I was this angry at other people was at field camp two summers ago, and my "friends" sold me out and I had to take the full blame for their actions in addition to my own.

And as we all know, I have problems with stress anxiety. I'm just not good at fighting with another person or having bad feelings with someone in my life. I want to resolve things as quickly as possible so that I can move on, stop stressing about it, and actually be able to focus on my work.

But in this case, I'm not able to initiate the conversation to resolve it. There's nothing I can do about it if she doesn't want to hear what I have to say. If she's not ready to hear my point of view, there's no moving forward. I can't force her to listen to something that she's not ready to hear.

So how am I dealing with it?

Talking to my friends about it helped a lot. I did that last night instead of working on my abstract for Presentation #3.

Now, I'm trying to work on it by taking frequent breaks to look at entertaining things. Some of my favorites:

1. Aladdin's Prince Ali never fails to crack me up. Then I start singing along and mimicking their voices.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aEryAoLfnAA

2. 13 worst things to happen to a classical musician. Just... #3..... I can't.... hahahahahaha
http://www.classicfm.com/discover/music/worst-things-happen-classical-musician/

3. Listening to sexy classical music, such as Swan Lake introduction and waltz


I think I've reached the point where I need to buy my own pack of cigarettes. I've gotten by from bumming them off people so far when I need them for a good stress smoke. But this is really too much honestly.