Appreciation

Some things occurred to me today as I was revamping my resume and writing a cover letter for my internship applications.

First of all, I feel like I need to show a better appreciation to my advisor. I've been involved in so many team projects, but I get so caught up in the details that it's hard to keep everything straight. He has asked for my help on a lot of things this semester, and I've done them, but I don't think I showed my gratitude as much as I should have (or wanted to). Being caught up in so much stress will do that to me I suppose.

Second of all, I should be more like my office-mate Tina. She also has been hard at work on these projects-- and has done more work on them than I have-- yet she never seems to be stressed out like I am. I really need to learn how to manage stress better. And be more efficient with my time.

Tim's friend Taylor alerted me to the fact that it sounded like I have ADHD. I was never diagnosed with it, but I was describing to him how I "have trouble staying focused," I "get bored easily," and "my mind wanders and starts thinking about other things." So maybe I have it, and that's why I have trouble concentrating on assignments. And meditation, for that matter.

Anyway, the third thing I realized is not actually new, but it reminded me that I should use to my advantage that people do their best work when they are happy. I've been getting a lot done over my break, but I don't feel stressed out because I'm on a break. It feels like I have all the time in the world to get things done, AND read books for fun, AND get my hair trimmed at the salon, AND piss around and do nothing.

It feels so good.

If only I could find a way to channel this mindset into my daily life: the mindset that I am on vacation. Not only am I more productive, but I do more of the things that I enjoy, and I am happier in general. Usually I don't tip baristas, but I have already tipped them twice since being on vacation. I tipped the hair stylist 20%, when normally I would have only tipped $15 (especially because my trim didn't come out as good as I had hoped). I felt more generous, and way less irritable, because I am happier. I have been in much higher spirits even though things have deteriorated with all the men I've been talking to.

If Taylor wants to be a little bitch and ignore me, slash be really stupid, that's his own damn problem. He and I didn't even have sex. And I did nothing wrong.

Collin I'm a little more peeved at. We had a great time on our date. He seemed to want to get to know all of me, even the unpleasant parts. He even volunteered the information that he had had a good time and wanted to do it again sometime. I told him I agreed. He had wanted to get together last weekend, but I was already out of town for spring break. It's been a week, and he has not contacted me at all. Fuck that shit. If he were really interested, he would have texted me by now to see how I'm enjoying the break.

I was a bit concerned at what would happen if Taylor and Collin both went to Tim's movie party this past weekend. It crossed my mind that Taylor would tell Tim that he and I had hooked up, and then Collin would say that he and I had went on a date. Either they didn't say anything, or Tim knows and doesn't care. And why should he care, since he hasn't even asked me out on a date??

Dom stopped contacting me. He's out anyway, because he said he would come to my concert and then didn't. Then when he asked me about how it had went, and I responded talking about it excitedly, he didn't respond. He texted me the next day talking about the weather. I get the feeling that he doesn't really want to get to know me. He just wants to know the superficial happy part of me.

Anyway, whatever. They are all missing out. I am fucking awesome, and if they can't handle that, it's their loss.