Success!

I had a major breakthrough yesterday. I finally achieved my New Year's Resolution!

It took 2 months to get to that point, but at least I got there. Now I just need to maintain it, so we'll see how that goes.

Yesterday, for the first time in who knows how long, I was happy to be myself. For the first time in who knows how long, I was proud of myself. I was very proud of myself for all the hard work that I had done on my revised proposal. I was proud of myself for starting to become a competitive person in my field by taking on all these side projects. I was proud of myself for my personality trait of always seeing the best in people until they prove me wrong (even though that naivete gets me into quite a bit of trouble).

For the first time in a long time, I was happy with all the people in my life. As Fred pointed out to me, I have a lot of people in my life who really care about me. I realized that he was right, and that I needed to stop focusing on the people who do not care about me anymore who left my life. I'm so glad that there are a number of people I can actually count on, and it's about time that I start to enjoy it before anything happens to change that (but hopefully nothing will).

I may not make the best choices all the time, but at least I try to do the right thing. Deep down, I have a good heart. My kindness is both my best and my worst quality. And I am completely okay with that.


I'm wondering if I should break things off with Dom. I think he's a lot more into me than I'm into him; that's the impression I got from our date last night. First of all, he already got me a small gift (really? on the second date??). Second of all, when we went dancing he seemed only to want to dance to slow songs. Third of all, when we danced I got the impression he really wanted to kiss me, but I avoided it because I didn't want to. He kept doing this thing where he would press his forehead against my forehead.

On the one hand, Dom has many excellent qualities. He listens to musical music! He knows what mode mixture is (and thinks it's awesome)!! He's a gentleman!

But on the other hand, he has one bad quality (not tipping). Also, he took me to dinner at a place that only served beer and burgers, and talked about going to the beer and bacon fest (not really my cup of tea).

On the one hand, I'm still recovering from Ray and don't want to move with him too quickly. On the other hand, I'm wondering if I don't want to move too quickly with him because he is not Tim.

I've been trying to talk to Tim more. I texted him yesterday once and he responded right away, as per usual, and it was a decent response. I texted him a funny picture of me taking a syringe shot (OH MY GOD THE BEST) that he didn't respond to. Ugh :/ It occurred to me that maybe he lost interest because I wasn't showing enough interest, so I was trying to start talking to him more. But maybe he lost interest just because he lost interest. Who the fuck knows.