Scenarios

The following is the product of two months of analysis about my relationship with Ray and how he felt about me. This was one of the most confusing and puzzling experiences of my life.

The Facts

1. He treated me really well for 2 weeks.
2. We had a few small fights about his poor time and money management skills and his poor word choice. I was also PMSing, so probably I was overreacting.
3. He brought up the end of the summer out of the blue.
4. He chose acid over me when I was upset about thinking about the end of summer and needed to talk to him about it.
5. That escalated into a huge fight where he was angry that I was too emotionally attached.
6. He treated me really badly, backing off emotionally and physically, accusing me of trying to control his life when I was trying to do what he wanted and help him with drugs. He refused to work through arguments.
7. We broke up, and I said I didn't want to be friends.
8. After a week, I told him that I had figured out that I was so angry because he had been That Person and then taken it back. He apologized, said he had never intended to hurt me like that, and promised he would still be that person for me and that he would never take it back again.
9. We were friends for a few weeks and he kept his word. He was working on building up his trust with me again because I was worried he would take it back again.
10. He started acting really coupley right before I left town.
11. I left town, and we were friends for about a week. I told him I missed him and he told me I needed to get over it. He said he had never had an emotional attachment to me beyond just really good friends.
12. I didn't trust him anymore and needed him to be there for me emotionally. He refused to talk to me, ignoring my phone call and texting me saying "k let's not be friends." He picked Xbox over me.
13. I told him that he had hurt me in the worst way possible, and to never contact me again. I told him to get checked for bipolar disorder. We were not friends for 3 weeks.
14. I realized I was not happy with my decision because I realized I was in love with him. I forgave him for choosing the Xbox over me, apologized for the bipolar comment, and asked if we could start over. He didn't respond.
15. He responded to my happy birthday text with "thanks :)," but then did not respond to my casual conversation starter the following day.
16. Lawrence convinced me to text him and ask him to clarify if he wanted to be friends. He said no, because I "need to grow up" and I'm "immature and get mad about little things." He refused to go into detail even though I said it was my final request of him to know exactly why we could not be friends.
17. Pain

The Interpretation

The two most likely theories are the "Definitions" theory and the "Commitment phobe" theory. Both are very similar.

He treated me well at the beginning of the relationship because it was the honeymoon phase of the relationship. He was happy to be in a new relationship with someone. He did and said all those nice things because he felt like he was supposed to do and say them as my boyfriend (if he did mean them, he did not understand that they came across as being more serious because he has a different definition of "serious relationship" than I do [Definitions]).

Or maybe he really was genuinely happy with me, and his feelings changed when I got more serious. When I got more serious, he freaked out because at this point in his life he is experimental with girls and he's not looking for anything serious or permanent. Or, when we started fighting, he decided he was just going to give up. He would do anything if it was convenient for him, but when he realized that a relationship actually takes work, he abandoned ship (Commitment phobe).

The fight about the end of summer was a red herring. He realized he wanted to break up with me when I got more serious but was trying to get me to break up with him on account of being bad at breakups. He knew that talking about the end of summer would upset me into breaking up with him. He picked acid over me because he didn't care anymore about being with me and being there for me.

He treated me so horribly because he had tried to break up with me in the big fight but failed. He knew our relationship couldn't work and so he didn't want to put in any effort anymore. Either that or he was trying to make the relationship more casual again by backing off on the affection.

Because he cared about me like a good friend, he didn't want me to be upset with him for "taking it back." He didn't fully understand what I meant by That Person, so he agreed to do it and promised he would never take it back again.

When I needed him emotionally after our phone fight, he thought I was being clingy and treating him like he was my boyfriend. He didn't understand that I needed him as That Person. He equated "talking with a girl about her feelings and emotions" with "being the girl's boyfriend." He said "k let's not be friends" because he didn't want to talk to me about my feelings and emotions, and it was an immediate solution to his problem (thanks Ashley for being able to interpret that).

From his point of view, it was ridiculous I freaked out over him playing Xbox. He didn't understand that by doing that he was "taking it back" again and causing me the worst pain I had ever experienced (up until then anyway) by giving me what I had always wanted, but never had, taking it back, then promising me he would give it to me again, and then taking it back again. He probably tells people I'm "crazy" because he doesn't understand my point of view.

As I discovered I was in love with him, he stopped caring about me completely. He didn't even care enough to fulfill my final request of him, because even that was too much effort for him to put forth. And that, my friends, is the worst pain that I have ever experienced. When somebody you love tells you that they don't care about you anymore and that they don't want you in their life.

Even though it hurts so bad, I know that it was the right decision. Some days are better than others. But I know that it will take me a long time to heal, but at least I have the answer. I don't have to waste all that emotional energy wondering if he wants to be friends or not. Even though I couldn't ask him the questions I had about our relationship, thinking about it for 2 months has given me what is probably a fairly accurate sequence of events. It's the best I can come up with, and that will have to be enough.