Happiness, Day 21

Today's gratitudes:

• Orchestra! Because it's the holiday concert, we are playing happy holiday music. The Nutcracker :D
• Ali helped me with my GIS project. She told me how I can specify temperature ranges so that it's consistent for all the layers. Slowly but surely I'm getting there... Going crazy in the process and drinking lots of schnaaps, and listening to lots of Michael Jackson... but yeah getting there.
• The body butter I've started using smells DELICIOUS. It's called Brazil Nut. Tasty.

Today's kindness:
I was annoyed when I went to the gym this morning because they hadn't plowed a bunch of sidewalks yet, and I was sinking a foot deep into snow (and getting wet) to get to my destination. On my way back, there was a guy clearing the snow right in front of the door to my building. He smiled at me and said good morning, and I thanked him for clearing the snow.

Today's happiness:
Probably the best part of the day was my orchestra rehearsal. I really enjoyed hearing the happy music and being a part of it.



I don't know. I just feel down. What would really make me happy is having love that is rock steady (like in the No Doubt song lol). That is what I've always wanted, but never had. I want people to be in my life for keeps.

I've always been jealous of those people who grow up playing with the next door neighbors-- who just happen to be your same age-- and become best friends forever. I've always wanted that. The kind of friend that you know since you're small, and who stays with you for life. Like in The Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood. That's what I've always wanted.

I've never had it though. My neighbors growing up were all older than me. The closest person to my age was my sister. And as we all know, she and I don't exactly get along. We never did.

At the moment, my high-school group of friends are probably my oldest friends. I've stayed closer with some than others. I'm still friends with my 7th grade best friend, but she and I don't really talk except to wish each other happy birthday once a year. I'm still friends with my 1st grade best friend technically, but we don't even wish each other happy birthday.

Anyway, I hope that some of my friendships last, so that we can become old friends with rock steady love.

I also want a boyfriend who gives me rock steady love. Someone who will keep the promises he makes to me. Someone who isn't going to give up. Someone who isn't going to suddenly change his mind at the drop of a hat and decide that he doesn't even care about me anymore. I just want some rock steady love.


That's what would make me happy.