Unhappy

I'm so tired, I just wish the end of the semester would hurry up and get here. I want to go back to Boston, where I belong. I can't wait to take my birthday trip to NYC with my cousin Laura and my good friends Eliza and Kelley! I can't wait to have a sleepover with Cameron and meet her cat! I can't wait to piss around reading trashy romance novels, and sleep as much as I want, and go to the gym.

Though it looks like I'm going to have some work to do over the break. First I have to apply for my GIS certificate. Then I have to apply for internships. Also, I'm supposed to help compile the list of coproduced articles for my advisor by next Friday. Then I have all that grading to do that I probably won't get around to starting until Tuesday, because I'm trying to streamline 40 pages of strat paper into 20 or so, and then I still have to come up with my own fucking conclusion. Then I have to do the lit review for my GIS project...

GAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MAKE IT STOP.

Sometimes I wonder if I made the right career decision. For the longest time, my dream had been to play viola in pit orchestras on Broadway. I had to give up that dream. My viola teacher told me that I wasn't good enough to make it. He also told me that I would end up hating that job anyway, because he said that those performers get backed into a corner where they get bored with the job and then they can't leave it because they can't take time off from it to look for a new job.

I really don't know if I would become bored with the job or not. There is nothing I love more than music. There is nothing I love more than musicals. It seems like the perfect job for me.

But I allowed someone to make me believe that I wasn't good enough. It's hard for that not to happen when you have a lot of respect for that person and a lot of trust for that person.


Anyway.

I still really miss Them. They probably don't think about me at all. They stopped caring about me and that was that. I've spent all this time suffering and They probably haven't batted an eyelash. And I hate them for that.