New Relationships

I've been thinking more about how I can pursue some rock-steady relationships. Because yes, I would like to love again. But I would only like to love again if it is rock-steady love. Or I guess it would be ok to love again if I could be assured that there would actually be a transition period from loving to not even caring anymore, instead of it being an abrupt transition.

One thing I can do is to just walk away at the first sign of disrespect. If the person is unable and unwilling to try to be a good communicator, I'm walking away from that. There's no reason I should put any effort into a relationship where the other person doesn't even try to communicate well.

Good communication involves discussing things that make you unhappy. It doesn't mean getting up and trying to walk out of my apartment when I try to have a discussion. It doesn't mean refusing to take responsibility for what you did and then trying to redirect the blame on me. It doesn't mean trying to ignore problems in the hope that they just magically disappear. Yes Ray, yes Mara, I'm talking to you. Because good communication means 1) that the other person tries to understand your point of view, and 2) the other person then makes an effort to change their behavior in the future.

If a person can't do that, it means they don't care about you enough to try. In the future I will just walk away.

Another thing is to not date people who are in any way racist, sexist, or homophobic. The very fact that they think that other people are inferior to them based on things that they can't control because they were BORN that way, is unacceptable. How is it someone's fault that they are born with black skin, or (what I still don't understand) even within the same skin color how Koreans and Chinese people hate each other, or the fact that they were unlucky enough to be born without a penis, or the fact that they love men instead of women? Or what bothers me even more is that some black men get bent out of shape about racist treatment, and then turn around and are sexist toward women, thinking they are inferior. Honestly people, what the fuck. I want nothing to do with any of that. I'll just walk away (Ben that's you).

Finally, it's come to my attention that I just apparently value people more than others do. Therefore I am not going to even try dating someone if there's some problem that will eventually get in the way. If I'm not attracted to the guy, it's a no. If the guy does not value science and music, it's a no. If I don't value what the guy does (usually history or religion stuff) then it's a no. If there's no chemistry, then it's a no.

That's what I've got so far.