Late-Night Ramblings

Today we went over to my aunt's house for Christmas Eve dinner. It was funny because me and my two cousins were sprawled on the couches being like "Uggh we are so tired. Uggh we want caffeine. Uggh we want to sleep." While all the "adults" were getting drunk and were far livelier than us. Then my Mom was telling my aunts that she was "nice" and I was "naughty," according to this Santa hat she has that we took pictures with that was labeled nice on one side and naughty on the other. Then my aunt was like, "Actually I think it's the other way around... not that Veronica would ever tell."

Um what. I really hope that it's not true that my mother is naughtier than I am. That would just be wrong.

Then my mom's boyfriend made some comment that I didn't even hear, and my mom was all, "My daughter is of impressionable age. Don't make any comments like that." Then he was all, "No, I do not snort crack... *shifty eyes*"

Um, WHAT?? First of all, I'm almost 24. I can handle grown-up conversation, thankyouverymuch. Second of all, I really hope he's joking and that he's not doing that shit. I'm the one who has bad enough judgment to date a drug addict. Look where that got me. Look at all of the pain that that caused me. I would hope that my Mom would have better judgement than me. She's SUPPOSED to have better judgement than me.

And then of course Elf was playing on tv... of course it reminded me of Mara. She made me see that movie for the first time last year. We saw it together when it played in the Student Union. So then I got all depressed because I was thinking about her and how much she loves Christmas. Ugh.

Plus my cousin got skinny as fuck. I'm so jealous. People in my family have the ability to drop like 40 lbs without breaking a sweat. Meanwhile I'm trying and it was easy at first, but now it's hard work.

It's working though again, the holiday and finals week weight is coming back off (fingers crossed I won't gain much in the next week or so). I've been kicking ass at the gym. I go there and I burn 600 calories in cardio. I have to up the cardio and the stretching, since I can't really do upper body right now. Fingers crossed I don't re-injure anything in the process. My hip adductor felt uncomfortable today during the workout..

I really hate this time of night. I really do. I don't know why, but during this time I start to feel bad about myself, think about all the mistakes I made, and think about all of my regrets. I feel all the pain that I try to block out during the day.

Good thing T.J. is online right now. He's encouraging me to write the book that I have a really good idea for.

But I don't get him anyway. I told him I was going to his neck of the woods in a few days, and he didn't express any interest in seeing me while I'm there. Whatever.