Belonging

I've started to feel very homesick for Boston. I don't know if it's because things are better with my Mom now, or if it's because Cameron tells me that I'm BostonStrong and that my views are like those of Bostonians, or if it's something else. But I feel like I belong there, because it's my home.

I don't really feel like I belong here in North Dakota. First of all, it's not even winter yet and already it's as cold as the winters I'm used to. 17 degrees but feels like 1 degree with the windchill. And it's only going to get worse from here...

Then, I've taken so many trips this semester. Probably the highlight was Las Vegas; that was actually probably the highlight of my whole year. Then there was Denver, and Winnipeg. I know that coming here for school was the right decision, because it made all these other things possible. But I feel like I have to leave here to fully accomplish those things.

Also, I don't feel like I have found "my people" yet. People here are really nice and friendly, and really helpful. But I noticed that I don't really talk about a lot of the super personal stuff with those people. Like usually I have more guy friends than girl friends, except for the close girl friends who I talk about the super personal stuff with. But here, I talk to my girl friends and guy friends about the same stuff. I don't feel as close to the people here for some reason.

Finally, there is just a dearth of single men here. Literally all the men in my department are married. Apparently, I missed the memo that you're supposed to get married in between college and grad school. Now, there's nobody left for me. It's not that I want a relationship right now, because I don't, It's that it's nice to have single men there who try to chat with you, and date you. You can flirt with them, you can play with them, haha. But there aren't really that many guys looking for drunk hookups. If I wanted to get laid, maybe I could make it happen. But it's not like at Penn State, where all the boys wanted to sex me (or any girl, quite frankly).

When I went to Penn State, I never took any trips anywhere during the semesters. But I didn't feel like I belonged there, either. There was the huge rivalry thing between Pittsburgh and Philadelphia, a rivalry I had no part in because I'm not from Pennsylvania. Then, everyone loved football and tailgating, and I didn't. Also, even though there were boys that wanted to sex me, there were hardly any that actually wanted to date me, which sucked. Moreover, there was that competitive nastiness from the majority of my classmates. Plus the fact that I got in such big trouble for being a nice person.

I don't know. Interestingly enough, I did feel like I belonged in Las Vegas. I loved everything about it. It's a big city, with lots of things going on all the time, lots of things to do, music and performers everywhere on the street, happening for the geothermal industry, warm... *sigh* <3

Well, I can dream. Anyway, I'll be really happy to go home for winter break. I'm planning to get the gym membership, so I'll go there to work out, and then I can relax and read some books and write. Plus I'll get to see Cameron and her cat, and have chick flick marathons, teeheehee. It's definitely something to look forward to, I'm excited already.