Perhaps what I'm going through right now is depression by association. I had been trying so hard to be strong. To forget all about Ray, and all the pain he had caused me. To forget all about Mara, and how much her betrayal had hurt me. But now, with the death of my grandfather, those things are being exhumed from the deep place I had them buried.
Now I just feel sad. I'm never again going to see my Grandpa look at me and smile, or hear him chuckle like he did. And I'll never hear him make a joke again in that serious way he had.
And that is just so sad.
Because of that, there's no need for me to pretend to be strong anymore. I'm still suffering from Ray, from Mara. And I don't know how to get past it. The feeling of loss right now is so strong that I don't know what to do. I've lost one person who I know for sure cared about me. I've also lost two people who I really cared about who claimed that they cared about me. But it's not as if the two of them died. If they really cared about me, I wouldn't have lost them, now would I?
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